About This Blog.

This is my first time to ever blog.  I really don't know what I'm doing.  I'd like to create a place where moms can go to share their private thoughts about their family.  Sometimes I know that my thoughts may be unkind toward my family, but there they are!  I can't express them without hurting someone.  However, I'd like to acknowledge that my unkind feelings are there.  If nothing else, I'm just able to vent so I'll feel better without hurting my loved ones.  How about you?  Do you ever have something on your mind about your family that you can't share with anyone?  No need to feel disloyal.  Just say them here.

About me and why I call this blog "Struggling Mom."

Before I married and had children I had lived a life that was never easy. After I married had children, my life has been filled with heartache and disappointment. At least that's the way it has been for the last five years.

My husband, J, had a massive stroke at the age of 49. He is paralyzed on the left side and gets around in an electric wheelchair. My first born son, JP, developed bipolar disorder when he was 17. He is often abusive toward us. On Sunday, he told me that memories are coming forth of a time when he was eight years old and had been sexually abused by a church staff member.

My younger son, CL, is often burdened with helping me way beyond what a young teenager should have to do. My heart aches because his life has been so hard. He thrives. My burdens have become his also.

I have joyfully given up things that I like to do in order to keep my family alive and well. I'm not resentful of giving up these things, but I do miss them.

Often I am overwhelmed with financial burdens. I don't have enough money to pay my bills each month. Yet, my bipolar son is often obsessed with having things we cannot afford. He tortures me verbally until I can no longer stand it and give in. His satisfaction is often short lived.

I guess that's about it. I struggle each day.